Gonk

 I do like a proper Gonk 

Of Nordic variety 

As having Gonks around your home

will bring you luck you see

A proper Gonk should always have

A hat that's tall and weird

To cover everything there is

apart from nose and beard

Oh hail to you dear proper Gonk 

Your history is wise

And mythical you are my friend

In every shape and size

I'd rather have a proper Gonk 

Who sits upon my shelf

Than that tacky little arsehole

the naughty Christmas elf.