Poems by Audrey Haney
total shenanigans
Friday, 30 October 2026
Samhain
Friday, 24 July 2026
Nemoralia
The Nemoralia fayre, also known as the Festival of Torches, is an ancient Roman festival from August 13–15 to honor the Goddess. Worshippers mainly women would carry torches around sacred lakes, wash their hair, and tie ribbons along the route. Pets and animals were sacred and no hunting was allowed.
I've done Nemoralia since the 1990s, mostly in secret. I used to live near a river. I'd sneak out to bath naked in the woodland stream I'd wash my hair under the moonlight, dress my hair with flowers and read dedications to the Goddess. Leave offerings under a nearby tree.
Now I am open to my faith. I spend time decorating the house with ribbon and flowers, candles, and leave out offerings of honey cakes, dates, apples, sandalwood and silver bowls full of moon water.
Some use mirrors, instead of water, a symbolic gesture to ancestors upon lake Nemi, where the ancient celebrations took place.
In the evening on the 13th, I only wash my hair with collected moon water, I do not live near a river now. Plus I think I'd shock the neighbours in all fairness.
It's very invigorating to wash your hair outside with cold water. Sitting on the grass as I do under the moon. You feel powerful afterwards. Blessed and full of energy.
I have an old besom that belonged to my grandmother. Hand held. I dip the brush in the water and bless the house, it's just something I have always done. And a remembrance to my grandma who first introduced me to the power of the moon and Diana.
And this is the thing, it's personal to you how you celebrate festivals.
the mother of the moon
For huntress of the wild
Shine light within the gloom
At the Nemoralia fayre
Wednesday, 15 July 2026
Distant shore
Saturday, 11 July 2026
To a friend - song
Saturday, 20 June 2026
Moon sisters
Wednesday, 13 May 2026
Plastic candles
You teach your pagan sprogs that a lit flame causes fog
and possibly the ouch you get from learning from your fright
But you can't be fantastic, if your candle flame is plastic
So I'm guessing that the magic won't be any good as well
to create a special candle that looks real but it is not
It look and feels authentic with a hint of panhellenic
For the candles make of plastic but the flame is rather hot
Imagine how'd their fair with types of plastic minerals
I may be slightly musing with a hint of tad amusing
But lacking proper flames would work less in those brazen bulls
Thursday, 30 April 2026
Passing of a wonderful friend
Friday, 24 April 2026
Modern witch
A terrible time for cliches
Always wear bright colours like green
your choice of the hue should amaze
and a witch should be of modern age
Update this ridiculous idea of cool
With a Budgerigar in a cage
Pagan type names should never be given
to a pet that meows or does bark
A typical name like Sir fluffy Bert winkles
Is much better to shout after dark
Do upgrade with a vacuum dear girl
A Dyson does have a comfortable seat
a joy when you go for a whirl
A microwave oven is great
No waiting around for the potion to brew
A timer is now your new mate.
Monday, 20 April 2026
Crones moot
under the ancient English oak tree
Chanting and dancing and singing off key
The Coven of crones have a moot
there's beer and mead and some sort of sherry
Most of the group are dressed up as faeries
If faeries looked wingless and drunk
By half passed nine, they've run out of beer
one whips off her top and ladies all cheer
"I haven't been skyclad for oh so many years"
she runs with her arms in the air
At Eleven o'clock someone called the police
The neighbour hood watch, want nothing but peace
The police have asked can shenanigans cease?
The coven of crones all shout nope
She really does not want to retire
She trips up her boob and into the fire
And the Ambulance have to be called.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Coven of crones are in now A and E
A slighly singed boob is a slight tragedy
but it really was a good laugh
Saturday, 21 March 2026
Hello world
It's been a while since I've written anything but just a note to say due to health. Unfortunately my mind is less rhyme and more annoying typo.
I'm hoping to do my usual national poetry but only for myself.
But once again unfortunately many of my fans have left the social media set up, I don't have any other platform to share work on.
And with the thought of impending doom I've lost all touch.
I tend to write more in the darker month, so who knows? I may be back with a vengeance.
Much love you you all
