South downs way

This may or may not be the tune to a beloved Proclaimers song. 

It is dedicated to Peter the well preserved and Elizabeth of Friction burn. Both were mad enough to do the South down way walk 

I will wake up, wake up early very soon
pack my bags and get the rucksack in the car
Check the batteries, of my navigation aid

its got G.P.S, a sundial and radar.
Got a flare gun, just in case I do get lost
Don't want to find I'm walking when there's fog
Got my waders, packed a snorkel just in case
Case I find myself near water or a bog

For I will walk the South downs way
This perilous path near Devils Dyke
I didn't know it would be this hard
Now wish I went by motor bike

Its too early. Set the bloody clock for four
Its been raining since I started on this trail
Lost my snorkel, to a homicidal Gull
While I was dealing with a local ten force gale
Got more blisters, than a length of bubble wrap
I did forgot to bring a decent first aid tin
So used Duct tape, for my poor old tired feet
Held in place with cable ties and safety pins

For I will walk the south downs way
I lost my will at Alfriston
I can see me mugging the long man
and steal his sticks at Wilmington

Its stopping raining, but my feet and hands are stuffed
I have more wrinkles than a ruddy Mastiff hound
There is no signal, so my G.P.S don't work
 I think I've passed that bloody shrub a third time round
I am now starving, ate my food a day ago
I'm not desperate for that ruddy Freeze dried food
Bear Grylls is evil, He said it will keep you fed
But never mentioned that it tastes like baby poo

Oh I am knackered, I have only walked three days
And my body says its really not so game
I have chaffing, and the friction on my thighs
have caused my underwear to burst right into flames
I've been followed, swarms of every biting beast
I've been bitten. And I lost it after that
So I am beaten, I really need some therapy
and now that homicidal gull then nicked my hat. 

I tried to walk a hundred miles
To walk the path at the old south down
Call a taxi! For this rambler
I'm in a pub in Lewes town.