tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63928845417777363862024-03-24T19:14:04.773+00:00 Poems by Audrey Haney total shenanigans Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.comBlogger777125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-14235844492681706512024-03-16T15:09:00.002+00:002024-03-16T15:09:31.495+00:00Nadine <div style="text-align: center;">To Nadine</div><div style="text-align: center;">Thankyou friend for reading and laughing</div><div style="text-align: center;">For kindness you showed to so many</div><div style="text-align: center;">For family love</div><div style="text-align: center;">For the odd sarcastic comment.</div><div style="text-align: center;">For being my biggest fan</div><div style="text-align: center;">Rest in peace my Nadine</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIpE3s7Ry8uyOqzUqEdQPGivaizLyhyF5hpcHEUzKIxbDx-BmOHlL6BXQdg3DIDuwnW4pCVRndCU_j1ZjTrHCJT8PnKyK3dC2JvN6buuEoywRSIP6EBXpJbKx1iBHxBusGN6P5ufJMaeAkl_maG4O66FFcPxYlfJqK-dP9N9uFiA65CPgBjryK6Iv6kbp/s276/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="276" data-original-width="183" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmIpE3s7Ry8uyOqzUqEdQPGivaizLyhyF5hpcHEUzKIxbDx-BmOHlL6BXQdg3DIDuwnW4pCVRndCU_j1ZjTrHCJT8PnKyK3dC2JvN6buuEoywRSIP6EBXpJbKx1iBHxBusGN6P5ufJMaeAkl_maG4O66FFcPxYlfJqK-dP9N9uFiA65CPgBjryK6Iv6kbp/s1600/images.jpeg" width="183" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-48260724763546249382024-03-13T12:35:00.002+00:002024-03-13T12:37:41.322+00:00Positively depressed <div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Help yourself, found in a quote </div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm sure they're written as a joke</div><div style="text-align: center;">To help to combat feeling stressed</div><div style="text-align: center;"> Makes me <i>positively depressed</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;">Pilgrimage now to neverland</div><div style="text-align: center;">No scientific proof to hand</div><div style="text-align: center;">But what the hell give it a try</div><div style="text-align: center;">You'll laugh untill you cry </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Try yoga every other day</div><div style="text-align: center;">Breathe your sadness far away</div><div style="text-align: center;">Meditate on magic hills</div><div style="text-align: center;">Take sage and onion pills</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"Yes it works"</i> They say they are</div><div style="text-align: center;">after sticking crystals in their bra</div><div style="text-align: center;">Hugging trees, or drinking wee</div><div style="text-align: center;">Optimistically </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Oi witchy doctor quackery</div><div style="text-align: center;">Just keep your nonsense far from me</div><div style="text-align: center;">Your ways to combat being stressed</div><div style="text-align: center;"> Makes me <i>positively depressed</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div> </div><div><i><br /></i></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-84321358208641196112024-03-10T15:31:00.001+00:002024-03-10T15:34:31.020+00:00Happy mummy day<p> Happy mother day to my mummy readers. I hope you are having a lovely day having snuggly wugglys Here's a little poem about your darlings*</p><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: center;"> Why thank you for the present</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's kind of you and cheers</div><div style="text-align: center;">My darling little children</div><div style="text-align: center;">who wear such furry ears</div><div style="text-align: center;">A lovely gift you've left here</div><div style="text-align: center;">upon my nice clean bed</div><div style="text-align: center;">A little mouse for petting</div><div style="text-align: center;">A shame that it is dead</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Why thankyou for the present</div><div style="text-align: center;">dear children that are mine</div><div style="text-align: center;">Another gift so thoughtful</div><div style="text-align: center;">Your taste is so divine</div><div style="text-align: center;">A little ball of funness</div><div style="text-align: center;">All snuggly with fur</div><div style="text-align: center;">Upon my lap you left it</div><div style="text-align: center;">with the happy noise of Blurghhhh</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">* Cats. They are children aren't they? I don't know who you think I was talking about.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-83207723515990747152024-03-08T15:02:00.004+00:002024-03-08T15:02:39.856+00:00Green<div style="text-align: left;">Mother hates these pretty blooms</div><div style="text-align: left;">Her colour scheme is pastel gloom</div><div style="text-align: left;">To find green bunches does take hours</div><div style="text-align: left;">So here's a gift of cauliflowers</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Happy Mummykins day</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-18104590214171938982024-02-27T17:38:00.001+00:002024-02-27T17:39:42.157+00:00What is it<div style="text-align: left;"> My group do meet on Tuesday</div><div style="text-align: left;">We art and craft and chat</div><div style="text-align: left;">And most of our creations</div><div style="text-align: left;">are... What the hell is that!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Our leader, and our teacher</div><div style="text-align: left;">Our crafty diplomat </div><div style="text-align: left;">Though god knows what she's drawing</div><div style="text-align: left;">No really! What is that?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">The subject looks quite simple</div><div style="text-align: left;">Just keep to the format</div><div style="text-align: left;">But now we have all finished</div><div style="text-align: left;">It's... What in god is that?</div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-77880336175858286412024-02-18T18:09:00.003+00:002024-02-18T18:35:31.347+00:00Rap<p> Dedicated to M C Kay public enemy on the turntable. Bring the noise, then turn it down because it's too loud.</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm getting sued aren't I. </p><div style="text-align: left;">Knees! How bad can they go</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm old,</div><div style="text-align: left;"> need a bungalow</div><div style="text-align: left;">Arthritis in me legs inevitable</div><div style="text-align: left;">Not preventable </div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm just mental...icle! </div><div style="text-align: left;">Me! Got some pills for aching limbs</div><div style="text-align: left;">though can't see them, when the light is dim.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Lost me glasses, they won't behave</div><div style="text-align: left;">Then I found them, in the microwave. </div><div style="text-align: left;">What silly mare, put them there?</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Boobs! How low can they shake?</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm fat</div><div style="text-align: left;"> due to so much cake</div><div style="text-align: left;">Pastry is basically detestable</div><div style="text-align: left;">Indigestible</div><div style="text-align: left;">Though, suggestible</div><div style="text-align: left;">Me! Got some pills for number one </div><div style="text-align: left;">It's my diet I know, IBS not fun</div><div style="text-align: left;">But have a fondness for yummy things</div><div style="text-align: left;">I am blaming, you, Mr Kipling </div><div style="text-align: left;">Say goodbye to apple pie.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-32704972524924891682024-02-11T22:57:00.000+00:002024-02-11T22:57:41.037+00:00Troosers<div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I've just been working in the local town</div><div style="text-align: center;">It was foggy then frosty now it's peeing down</div><div style="text-align: center;">The usual shout I hear around is..</div><div style="text-align: center;">Postman! Where's your troosers?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Yes the rain may fall and the snow may bite</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'll wear me shorts from noon to night</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've got blue knees, but I'm alright</div><div style="text-align: center;">But they'll still ask bout me troosers</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I've just seen the weather in the news report</div><div style="text-align: center;">A gale force wind is a comfort sport</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'll wear a jacket, but I'll still wear shorts</div><div style="text-align: center;">Nope! I'll never wear me troosers </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Yes the the snow may fall and the rain may flood</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm up to my waist in some gooey mud</div><div style="text-align: center;">My whole life's work would seem a dud</div><div style="text-align: center;">If I started wearing</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'd be swearing</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Troosers</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I think the post man is called Donald.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-85376533225608823142024-02-10T21:11:00.006+00:002024-02-10T21:11:48.446+00:00Ode to a panic attack<div style="text-align: left;"> Really? </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Swear at myself</div><div style="text-align: left;">A bout of brain tourettes</div><div style="text-align: left;">Ffff move yourself</div><div style="text-align: left;">Can't move a little yet</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Supermarket nightmare </div><div style="text-align: left;">I can't do it! Can't you tell</div><div style="text-align: left;">I want to, no I don't</div><div style="text-align: left;">This trips not going well</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I don't think I can</div><div style="text-align: left;">I cannot see! I cannot think</div><div style="text-align: left;">It's too peoplely around</div><div style="text-align: left;">I search for other links</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Everyone is glaring</div><div style="text-align: left;">Hiding in one spot</div><div style="text-align: left;">Everyone will watch me</div><div style="text-align: left;">Later. No they're really not</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Fine! I fumble hands</div><div style="text-align: left;">Sweaty palm and more</div><div style="text-align: left;">I huffy fit my silly self</div><div style="text-align: left;">through the blooming door</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-77866913424764476632024-02-10T17:55:00.001+00:002024-02-10T17:55:51.695+00:00Acieeed...... reflux <p> Ah the thought of my clubbing days. </p><p>Over to you D mob.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Acid. For older folks</div><div style="text-align: left;">Don't do pastry, it's no joke</div><div style="text-align: left;">Makes you want to gag</div><div style="text-align: left;">Move your feet</div><div style="text-align: left;">Get yourself a Renee sweet</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Acid reflux</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Feel the burn</div><div style="text-align: left;">Don't do fry ups, you won't learn</div><div style="text-align: left;">Don't trust burps</div><div style="text-align: left;">Take a hint</div><div style="text-align: left;">Gaviscon in peppermint</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Acid reflux</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Feel the urge</div><div style="text-align: left;">Do a technicolour purge</div><div style="text-align: left;">Bloated madness</div><div style="text-align: left;">Feeling ill</div><div style="text-align: left;">Dulcolax is in a pill</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Acid reflux </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-55567950262129582242024-02-06T14:44:00.000+00:002024-02-06T14:44:57.942+00:00Group therapy<div style="text-align: left;"> It is always rather good to see</div><div style="text-align: left;">a group of people just like me</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh happy folks, though I must add</div><div style="text-align: left;">that most of them are rather mad</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Over crafting paper, paint and pen</div><div style="text-align: left;">We now will meet just after ten</div><div style="text-align: left;"><div>And so we share, we laugh, we chat</div><div>Do speak your thoughts, it's nice like that</div><div><br /></div><div>No stress, no fear, just be as one</div><div>I'm sure you will have lots of fun</div><div>And this is why I think I'll stay</div><div>From ten to twelve on most Tuesdays</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-74217633383353481502024-01-21T15:55:00.005+00:002024-01-21T15:55:40.855+00:00Greeting cards<p> My greeting cards are available to buy on hopefully </p><p>https://donnaswitchyshopltd.co.uk/product/audreys-greetings-cards/</p><p>Will do a better link later</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-20981929286006647972024-01-15T15:47:00.002+00:002024-01-15T15:47:43.485+00:00Happy mehyear<p> this year's started in a baggy pants way.</p><p><br /></p><p>I've had another wisdom tooth out. And though I've had plenty of fans point out that this may have not been a good idea intelligence wise. I would like to point out that it wasn't a barrel of laughs but a barrage of Aggggggghhhhh!</p><p><br /></p><p>And because I am an awkward sod I've had another dry root. I wouldn't recommend it. </p><p><br /></p><p>Ironically that you go to the dentist over a small nag of a pain that annoys you so much that you can't possibly chew on lions bars.</p><p><br /></p><p>And leave with one less tooth, super antibiotics, painkillers and the general feeling of doom. You should feel better in a few days</p><p><br /></p><p>A week later. Can't eat solid food, squirming in agony, suffering bouts of incontinence and shouting randomly. </p><p><br /></p><p> According to my mother. I shouted randomly about smelling Weetabix</p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-7464637302450369592023-12-21T22:57:00.001+00:002023-12-21T23:01:35.559+00:00Wombling<p> <i>I've had a weird request, to ruin a Wombling Christmas. Mostly because of his son's love for wombles when he was five.</i></p><p><i>Not however when he is the age of a teenager, being woken up to a disco in his living room, which mostly is wombles singing on repeat.</i></p><p><i>Done lovingly by his dear old dad.</i></p><p><i>Dedicated to Sons that have that sort of Dad.</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNmSj4gVJq9rE7Ox_p-3_ags444fAYS7isFEpQ6VUr55eQPC5wByMbHBp-2pNZOCwmdzXDZmP4eyx4nyYyfSWDDSX6i7pyOmJze4sRXVno538__NbnAejoj-Z0rlF1aq3f3JEZ4UMrkwggdhZHAFiQPDsFUeWnGOV9__kVlqSnPA8z9mEF4gUYA6xKYRyV/s300/download%20(1).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNmSj4gVJq9rE7Ox_p-3_ags444fAYS7isFEpQ6VUr55eQPC5wByMbHBp-2pNZOCwmdzXDZmP4eyx4nyYyfSWDDSX6i7pyOmJze4sRXVno538__NbnAejoj-Z0rlF1aq3f3JEZ4UMrkwggdhZHAFiQPDsFUeWnGOV9__kVlqSnPA8z9mEF4gUYA6xKYRyV/w200-h112/download%20(1).jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><i><br /></i><p></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Opened my eyes</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Woke up to womble music</div><div style="text-align: left;">I think I'll have squish my Dad</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I'm in a rage</div><div style="text-align: left;">No need for wombles singing</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Realise my childhood taste was sad</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">All day long </div><div style="text-align: left;"> Dads playing wombling in the room</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'll womble his bloody wombling womble music</div><div style="text-align: left;">All day long</div><div style="text-align: left;"> He's adding anguish to teenage gloom</div><div style="text-align: left;">By playing bloody wombling womble music</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I do admit</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I used to like the wombles</div><div style="text-align: left;">Being age five I had to no taste</div><div style="text-align: left;">But please agree</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Now I am mildly older</div><div style="text-align: left;"> My taste is so much cooler*</div><div style="text-align: left;">Wombling songs now cause distaste </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">All day long </div><div style="text-align: left;"> Dads playing wombling music trash</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'll womble his bloody wombling womble music</div><div style="text-align: left;">All day long </div><div style="text-align: left;"> So please fund me, some moving cash</div><div style="text-align: left;">So I won't need to listen to womble music.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">* Probably not, it's probably thrash metal or shouty rap.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-9927647624524025432023-12-19T16:02:00.000+00:002023-12-19T16:02:02.616+00:00Happy holidays my minions<p> <br />I would like to wish all my fans and writing chums a delightful Yuletide.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2OYFq_FR6PZSI474N-zHj8HQWzldHFlVQkn0wt1_v8F5EcyqD_GhgyGsomcqn5o9WmlSRfbnOky3yu9h2EpYKti8KSyq27PdIxRJLzicZi0N1mwG5XrMgCX04MwVp4B3Ns9Y6iLAmw6IHwMmTSvrWJps76ULJTJ36OxwrxlDRnzqy6ckXDD2zmq01QWzJ/s1600/DSCF7240.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="982" data-original-width="1600" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2OYFq_FR6PZSI474N-zHj8HQWzldHFlVQkn0wt1_v8F5EcyqD_GhgyGsomcqn5o9WmlSRfbnOky3yu9h2EpYKti8KSyq27PdIxRJLzicZi0N1mwG5XrMgCX04MwVp4B3Ns9Y6iLAmw6IHwMmTSvrWJps76ULJTJ36OxwrxlDRnzqy6ckXDD2zmq01QWzJ/w400-h245/DSCF7240.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-4971266004536288272023-12-19T15:36:00.001+00:002023-12-19T15:39:40.255+00:00An alien came travelling <div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Sorry Chris De Burge. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"> Oh an alien came a travelling, </div><div style="text-align: center;">we don't know it's name</div><div style="text-align: center;">On a mission on earth, </div><div style="text-align: center;">what a shame, what a shame</div><div style="text-align: center;">It shone like a star as it burst into flames</div><div style="text-align: center;">And crashed in a field outside Kent</div><div style="text-align: center;">Yes It crash landed rather near Kent</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">A little hamlet was joyful in sight</div><div style="text-align: center;">To visit a village in In the dead of the night </div><div style="text-align: center;">The folks did wake, seeing a bright scarlet light</div><div style="text-align: center;">And the face of a predator there</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And then everyone died.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbvQPO9YQtc1xO3UZN7Wxc_TiX_P2EhqR88o0TiPdDKDpoh2NwXcDI69q1JEL-DL6Fa_CnmeCXNrOJikWNmcnxtIMtUFNgSwQtOdQ8qiENv2NrhYkWjJz35HC97EqawFZ77P1Ra2e33imd_A2LwkTfO8ux3Z61up0Chk9jTM9tT5j3Qqmmh9QwqB2Z5roY/s300/images%20(2).jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbvQPO9YQtc1xO3UZN7Wxc_TiX_P2EhqR88o0TiPdDKDpoh2NwXcDI69q1JEL-DL6Fa_CnmeCXNrOJikWNmcnxtIMtUFNgSwQtOdQ8qiENv2NrhYkWjJz35HC97EqawFZ77P1Ra2e33imd_A2LwkTfO8ux3Z61up0Chk9jTM9tT5j3Qqmmh9QwqB2Z5roY/w200-h112/images%20(2).jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-29378637588046257012023-12-16T19:40:00.002+00:002023-12-16T19:40:37.048+00:00Rain<div style="text-align: left;"> Oh the weather outside is raining</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'll spend the next week complaining</div><div style="text-align: left;">At least there's no chance of snow</div><div style="text-align: left;">It's too mild for that stuff don't you know</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-52638367045694982922023-12-16T19:25:00.002+00:002023-12-19T15:41:31.202+00:00Christmas cheer<div style="text-align: left;"> Christmas cheer</div><div style="text-align: left;">Baileys and a beer</div><div style="text-align: left;">Time to drink, for it's that time of year</div><div style="text-align: left;">Passed out in the garden</div><div style="text-align: left;">And I have busted me knee</div><div style="text-align: left;">Still can't remember having carrots for teaš¤¢</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-69205282861191473432023-12-13T19:42:00.000+00:002023-12-13T19:42:06.788+00:00Happy meh ness<p> I will be taking my usual break over Yuletide. Mostly because I am falling apart with an array of medical problems.</p><p>Also I think I may have been banned from posting on my own page as FB has decided to ban a post I shared because it was funny. It was hilarious. </p><p>Even though it was clearly a funny fictional post. The boffins are picking on it, it's been fact checked. Oh dear. I fear for the future sometimes. </p><p>I've been fact checked on my poems before now. </p><p>And on a humorous post about unicorns, along with a talking gerbil. </p><p>Gerbils don't talk. Said the fact checker. </p><p>Who knew! Thanks for clearing that up. </p><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-69957566112795893202023-12-06T20:42:00.002+00:002023-12-06T20:42:22.421+00:00Tree. <div style="text-align: left;"> Freda 'Smiter' Brodie has suggested we should rock around the Christmas tree.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Rocking around the Christmas tree</div><div style="text-align: left;">On a sunny winters day</div><div style="text-align: left;">In the middle of Sheffield park</div><div style="text-align: left;">It's our right to roam, we say</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Rocking around the Christmas tree</div><div style="text-align: left;">On a frosty night suspense </div><div style="text-align: left;">Please don't drop the chainsaw</div><div style="text-align: left;">After scaling a large fence</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">We are stealing yule trees in a dark, we know</div><div style="text-align: left;">Stick it on a garden trolley</div><div style="text-align: left;">While we're here, we'll nick some holly</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Rocking around the Christmas tree</div><div style="text-align: left;">These trees quite are robust </div><div style="text-align: left;">Good old grown in England </div><div style="text-align: left;">Thank You, the National trust.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-49866748323094384292023-12-02T00:51:00.002+00:002023-12-02T00:52:16.318+00:00It's beginning to look a lot like.<p> <i>The request today, comes from Claire. Who wants it to look a lot like Christmas. Sang by her childhood crush Michael baubles. Or even Bling Crosby.</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQty4rn3AH7s9NP6-UwcwOoQT40BKvFiLh2y1K_N7TSUsi8oF6KqpEJ29US5t8g8-hfTPNdjcgA6p3cIsBfXugJ4HJiC7BdTMhcmVTewO8hsgUktsNml91m-hsd9cvj-zFazzSa6mQkDxoYe2oNAz0bbTzX9-I4fgh6JF1-tQa0st37SCO74e4UlaE99OJ/s261/download.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="193" data-original-width="261" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQty4rn3AH7s9NP6-UwcwOoQT40BKvFiLh2y1K_N7TSUsi8oF6KqpEJ29US5t8g8-hfTPNdjcgA6p3cIsBfXugJ4HJiC7BdTMhcmVTewO8hsgUktsNml91m-hsd9cvj-zFazzSa6mQkDxoYe2oNAz0bbTzX9-I4fgh6JF1-tQa0st37SCO74e4UlaE99OJ/s1600/download.jpeg" width="261" /></a></div><br /><i><br /></i><p></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><div style="text-align: left;">It's time for you to meet old Krampus</div><div style="text-align: left;">Everywhere you go</div><div style="text-align: left;">He'll be looking for selfish folk</div><div style="text-align: left;">If your names on his list, don't joke</div><div style="text-align: left;">You're in his sack and taken down below</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">It's time for you to meet old Krampus</div><div style="text-align: left;">Keep yourselves in line</div><div style="text-align: left;">You won't moan about presents dear</div><div style="text-align: left;">If you really have Krampus fear</div><div style="text-align: left;">When it's Christmas time</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">He follows old Nick, with a nice pointy stick</div><div style="text-align: left;">To keep the kiddies in hand</div><div style="text-align: left;">They both have a list, but be warned there's a twist</div><div style="text-align: left;">If your naughty then Christmas is banned</div><div style="text-align: left;">And down you go to the fire below, It's true, your parents won't care</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Yes it's time for you to meet old Krampus</div><div style="text-align: left;">Heard he's doing well</div><div style="text-align: left;">It's better to be real nice</div><div style="text-align: left;">Being naughty has a price</div><div style="text-align: left;">And the price is hell</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-32754316958016470452023-11-26T22:45:00.001+00:002023-11-26T22:45:35.836+00:00Last Christmas <p> <i>Chris Palmer, a lovely relative of mine, mostly because he actually, hasn't disowned me, suggests last Christmas by the wonderful group known as Wham. R.I.P George Michael. Please don't haunt me</i>.</p><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">Last Christmas, you gave me a heart</div><div style="text-align: left;">The very next day, police took it away</div><div style="text-align: left;">in truth it was a bit weird</div><div style="text-align: left;"> and a little bit of oh so psycho </div><div style="text-align: left;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;">Last Christmas, you gave me a heart</div><div style="text-align: left;"> It was a weird theme, for the forensic team</div><div style="text-align: left;">Next year, I'm hoping for socks</div><div style="text-align: left;"> and a little bit less so psycho </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-65524406359890803822023-11-26T16:57:00.009+00:002023-11-26T22:47:42.166+00:00Gonk<div style="text-align: left;"><p><i>Kimberley 'Magickal almanac' Morgan, has decided on Boney M. Mary's boy for me to ruin</i>. </p><p><i>Yeah, thanks for that, mutter mutter.</i></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6f1W8BTGUL7iBhRTtinRekHyzCFp_5RLq-Lfvy1djdZp7I5dD-yDlOTmuVnwg1fHs07kBflMgTVMvKJi0U7Ra1OVET7G3USGYgbCKd6YvNJ0U_1csftijSE8teAnfyHkrumdHvPCNKWFMrZ9JMN0lY8NvoFZzL4rXwGP5FdzFKwsA-n2SO_vd-tNeuj9F/s144/images%20(1).jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="144" data-original-width="144" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6f1W8BTGUL7iBhRTtinRekHyzCFp_5RLq-Lfvy1djdZp7I5dD-yDlOTmuVnwg1fHs07kBflMgTVMvKJi0U7Ra1OVET7G3USGYgbCKd6YvNJ0U_1csftijSE8teAnfyHkrumdHvPCNKWFMrZ9JMN0lY8NvoFZzL4rXwGP5FdzFKwsA-n2SO_vd-tNeuj9F/s1600/images%20(1).jpeg" width="144" /></a></div><br /><i><br /></i><p></p><p><i><br /></i></p></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">They say, Many years in Scandinavia,</div><div style="text-align: left;"> interspecies nooky was a norm</div><div style="text-align: left;">A Gnome and Goblin got together </div><div style="text-align: left;"> and the first baby Gonk was born</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Probably...</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Hark and love the Yuletide Gonk</div><div style="text-align: left;">For ancient folk and fey</div><div style="text-align: left;">I'm really glad they were quite mad</div><div style="text-align: left;">Or we wouldn't have gonks today</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Probably </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh my Gonk</div><div style="text-align: left;">All hairy with a beard</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh my Gonk</div><div style="text-align: left;">Lacking eyes and ears</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh my Gonk</div><div style="text-align: left;">Just lovely souvenirs</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh my Gonk</div><div style="text-align: left;">There's buy one get one free</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh my Gonk </div><div style="text-align: left;">I like this novelty</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh my Gonk.</div><div style="text-align: left;">Will this do? Kimberley </div><div style="text-align: left;">Oh my Gonk.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Though in truth, the first Gonk was basically a piece of fur with googly eyes. Probably made out of fuzzy felt. And made in the UK, which is why it was naff.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-73288190373868818072023-11-23T18:40:00.004+00:002023-11-23T18:40:48.697+00:00Chimney pot<p> <i>Now we are in the new season of the annual "ruin Christmas theme poems and song" and once again I wait with baited breath for the usual fan prompts. So with further ado. </i></p><p><i>Annie 'i will have an orange one' Mills had given me a lovely song called Santa is stuck up the chimney. Me too Santa, me too.</i></p><p><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;">Something is stuck up the chimney stack,</div><div style="text-align: left;"> me dad began to shout</div><div style="text-align: left;">Well I can tell, just by the smell</div><div style="text-align: left;">We'll have to pull it out</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Something is stuck up the chimney stack</div><div style="text-align: left;"> I think it's in the flue</div><div style="text-align: left;">He could concur, It smells like fur</div><div style="text-align: left;">A hint of barbeque </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Something is stuck in the chimney stack,</div><div style="text-align: left;"> Is what me father said</div><div style="text-align: left;">There won't be joy, no treats or toys</div><div style="text-align: left;">Cos sorry, Santas dead</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-30812426942931474362023-11-22T21:12:00.001+00:002023-11-22T21:12:49.090+00:00Evergreen <div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Gather all the green in winter</div><div style="text-align: left;">Ivy, oak and holly crowns</div><div style="text-align: left;">Yuletide lore in hidden hedgerows</div><div style="text-align: left;">Shading lords and ladies gowns</div><div style="text-align: left;">Underneath is frosty ground</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Gather all and sing for winter</div><div style="text-align: left;">Holly wears his crown of thorns</div><div style="text-align: left;">Oak he wears his leaves so golden</div><div style="text-align: left;">Both blow on a hunters horn</div><div style="text-align: left;">Soon the new year will be born</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6392884541777736386.post-40159096251263403752023-11-22T17:31:00.003+00:002023-11-22T18:11:37.289+00:00The night of cat<div style="text-align: left;"> Twas the night before Christmas</div><div style="text-align: left;">Folks came back from a prayer <strike>pub</strike></div><div style="text-align: left;">Around just passed midnight </div><div style="text-align: left;">twas a hint in the air</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">With their heads all a sleeping</div><div style="text-align: left;">Inebriate R.E.M</div><div style="text-align: left;">It was time for the Kramp puss</div><div style="text-align: left;">To now cause mayhem</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">He kept well to the shadows </div><div style="text-align: left;">His eyes searching high</div><div style="text-align: left;">For the bright coloured baubles</div><div style="text-align: left;">In his mind, should now die!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Twas the morn of old crimbo</div><div style="text-align: left;">And the folks were in stress</div><div style="text-align: left;">From the hangover and swearing</div><div style="text-align: left;">And the house in a mess</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Now the tree all a sparkle</div><div style="text-align: left;">A devotion of spruce </div><div style="text-align: left;">Seemed to be left at angle</div><div style="text-align: left;">Known as wonky obtuse</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And the tinsel all hanging</div><div style="text-align: left;">From the boughs with such care</div><div style="text-align: left;">They found all rather shredded</div><div style="text-align: left;">Now arranged Vogue Despair </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And the turkey defrosted</div><div style="text-align: left;">With its contents within</div><div style="text-align: left;">Found a mile down the road</div><div style="text-align: left;">Betwixt two wheelie bins</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">And sleeping quite soundly</div><div style="text-align: left;">Was a cat with white ears</div><div style="text-align: left;">He had fun as the kramp puss</div><div style="text-align: left;">Can't wait till next year.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">She is a little bit nutty</div>Audrey Haneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15818392636265276537noreply@blogger.com0