keep fit

I try in vain to exercise
Because i am of larger size

the friction caused by larger thighs 

caused my knickers to burst into flame 

I did once jog: Was a mistake 

A car did try to overtake 

My body caused a mild earthquake

And the car crashed into a tree

Swimming, felt i could not fail

The locals thought i was a whale

They came as far as Ainsdale

It appeared on news at Ten

Tried Yoga, seemed to be quite fine

My dog-ward dog was more Bovine

My lotus went more Melon vine

I've been stuck that way ever since 

I thought a bike was just the need

My bum ate the saddle due to greed

But please don't fret, its now been freed

And the rest of the bikes in a skip!