National poetry writing month

National poetry writing month
A month of madness

Friday, 4 April 2025

Artificial lacking

I don't trust
That new A and I
The reason for this 
I will tell you why 

its artificial 
It's in the name
It's stealing ideas
lacks original fame

It's lazy work 
It's fake news art
It's lack of smell
found in a fart

its plagiarism 
It's a cult to be joined
It's do it this way
with a hint of purloined

It's an unhelpful suggestion 
It's underlined red
It may hint at my spelling
..it has to be said.

Though I am sure I am safe
My words won't entice 
For if A I does read it
sure it'll think twice











Thursday, 3 April 2025

Beetroot



Be pickled, steamed, cooked or raw
This root is something I do abhor
who want to eat a plate of gore
I really hate beetroot 

Its vile and looks as if it's bled
It's turned my food a nasty red
My dinners now on it's deathbed
I really hate beetroot 

It colours scarlet, now it's pink
It's even dyed my blooming sink
The juice looks like a vampire drink
I really hate beetroot 

What is it doing inside me
I darted to the loo you see
The toilets red so is my pee
I really hate beetroot 

Wednesday, 2 April 2025

I never see

I'm sure it does happen but. I have observed.


I never see a normal thing
Of working women on lunch breaks
kicking about a football in the park
Or meeting up on breaks to lark

I never see women in general
Living in hardware shops
In garden centers no women queue
in groups around the barbeques

I never see women randomly 
looking lost in supermarkets
Or leaving trolleys out of line
while staring blankly at beer and wine.





Tuesday, 1 April 2025

Fish

 Day 1 of postering rhyming nonsense it's NaPoWriMo.


Fishes 

looking for love?
The best advice given
Plenty of fish in the sea
Such romance 
Seen a flounder I like
Hoping that it will soon fancy me

Looking for love?
The best advise given
Plenty of fish in the dark
Don't be so fussy 
have a wonderful time
Have a fling with a hammer head shark

Looking for love
The best advice given 
Plenty of types for a wish
I'm now in love
Seen a blobfish I like
Just look at his face, what a dish













Tuesday, 11 March 2025

Garden beasties

Dedicated to Jo and her love of garden beasties from the UK

She don't like slugs, she don't like snails
She doesn't like their slimy trails
Or any insect with a tail
Especially those worms
She don't like toads, she don't like frogs
Or creatures that live in a bog
She hates to see those pollywogs
Or anything that squirms

She don't like lizards nor those snakes
no slithering please, for goodness sake
Don't give those pesky scales a shake
or fleeing she shall go
She don't like bugs that poke and sting
Of whirly whatsits on the wings
And pretty much all funny things
She's very odd that Jo.


Saturday, 8 March 2025

Drunken pirate

 What shall we do with the drunken pirate
What shall we do with the drunken pirate 
Let's stand back and all admire it
Early in the morning 

He is intoxicated 
He is inebriated 
His style is now x rated
Half seas over pirate

Shave his eyebrows with a shaver 
Sharpie pens are a life saver
Fill his hat with cheesy quavers
Early in the morning

He is intoxicated 
He is inebriated 
His style in understated 
Half seas over pirate

Paint his face, so he looks the part
Chuck him in a skip or a wheelie cart
Tate modern, I've made a piece of art
Early in the morning 

He is intoxicated 
He is inebriated 
Critics say he now top rated
Half seas over pirate

Replace his hat with a traffic cone
Write a sign, if found send home
Please return to the O2 Dome
Early in the morning

He is intoxicated 
Still think he's inebriated 
Unconscious overrated 
Early in the morning

What shall we do with the drunken pirate
What shall we do with the drunken pirate 
So much to do to the drunken pirate
Early in the morning.

















Thursday, 27 February 2025

Writing helpful labels

 Twas the night just last Friday
and through the abode
With boxes a plenty, 
the men did unload

For this poet was moving
To a house now in town
As I did pack the boxes 
It was chaos unbound 

Well I got bored just writing
kitchen, bathroom and such
I decided quite madly
needs a good poets touch

For the labels on boxes
Helpful not for the task
"This label says Whips"
said the chap, had to ask

My labels were bonkers
I wrote 'contains skulls'
and bad taxidermy 
of roadkill seagulls

It's bottles of air
If it's heavy, it's bricks
and a label in red
said collection of sticks

I wrote labels a plenty
And I'm sorry dear mates
I realized, I'm foolish..
for I can't find the plates



 









Thursday, 6 February 2025

Good to talk.

 It's good to talk, I hear them say
hashtag part lie around today
A copy paste, unfretful thumb
As enthusiastic as humdrum

The band wagon, do show you care
I'm here, a click and awkward share
As fleeting as an April shower
Only available for 24 hours

Worse, glance down, look at your friends
Notice those now at wits end
Unless you message, let's chat, let's walk
Don't post the hashtag  'it's good to talk'

Triggered mental health and me
The pretence Pseudology
It's bad enough help is so rare
But please don't pretend you care












Saturday, 25 January 2025

Botox

 I know of many ladies

Using Botox, oh God why

The only filler I'd let near my face

is the filler in a pie





Wednesday, 22 January 2025

Love

 Love is a simple touch
A hand that says I'm here
A smile without any words
A laugh, a cry, a tear

Love is simply kindness
Love is being there
Love is something good
Love just means to care.



Tuesday, 31 December 2024

Happy new year

 Happy new year to all my followers.

You won't hear from me for a while as I will be moving house.


Saturday, 21 December 2024

All

 Twas the day of the solstice 
 and all through the world
For the ancients had come
Their reasons are told
The seasons were changing
 they looked to the sun
With hundreds of faiths, 
all standing as one

With Druids and Celtic
 and Roman and Norse
Slavic and shaman
 and Germanic of course 
With Heathens and witches
And Wiccans we stand
Peaceful and happy
across this fair land

Some have one deity
Others have more
Gods and the goddesses 
From shore to shore
Some worship nature
Some worship none
But still come together 
To welcome the sun

No words come in anger
with what you perceive
You will not get punished 
for what you believe 
No one feels they're better
No faith is the way
It is what brings you comfort
at the end of the day

The world still keeps spinning 
No need for disguise 
If you banned all religions 
The sun would still rise
We would still come together 
and welcome the light
I would promise 
It would be a wonderful sight.





Friday, 13 December 2024

Floody wonderland


Dedicated to those who have floods this year


Weather man says it's raining
In the queue, we've complaining
We won't get the snow
But it's Christmas who knows
We're walking in a floody wonderland 

It's just rain you are hearing
Leaky roof you are fearing
It's belting tonight
Hope it stops by first light
walking in a floody wonderland

There's no chance for the traders
Less you own boots and waders
The drains are a joke
Cos the council is broke
Walking in the floody wonderland

Do give up on the shopping
Offer up, I'll do mopping
The weather's not dry
Seen a swan swimming by
Walking in a floody wonderland 

Walking in a bloody floody muddy wonderland 




















Thursday, 12 December 2024

Advent of mild disappointment

 Advent calendars are cool today
With a gift found in every date
But I do recall my time as a child
that the choices were slightly cheapskate 

Just a door with nothing inside
Just an image found slightly in blur
Oh a bell or a wonky snowman
And I think a wise man holding myrrh

Do take care my mummy would say
Don't tear the window my dear
That's because my mummy was tight
We had the same bloody one every year.









Wednesday, 4 December 2024

Bed socks and socks in general

Oh joy it time for bed socks
A gift of - why on earth
A lovely - can't be bothered
A not what they are worth

Oh joy a long soft present 
A usual - can't have guessed
Of smiling urge to open
Too - now I am depressed 

less novelty type of teacup
A desperate - they'll be chuffed
Of unwrap finding horror
Can't tell them - please get stuffed

Do try -They ask with longing
I shift upon my seat
Socks extra wide and comfy
are now peeled off my feet

A note to see the size chart
Oh joy- one size fits all
In whisper - no it doesn't 
Unless your feet are small

OH who needs circulation 
A laugh under review 
I'll wear them for an hour
Till my legs turn bright blue.